What I hate, What I need
by liferefined
Summary: What did it take for Jake to tame Toruk, to become the 6th Toruk Makto? Rated "T" for a tiny bit of language.


**I decided to write this after the encouragement from BigBlueJake and TopKat90. Seriously, you guys convinced me! This is my take on Jake's taming of Toruk, on what must have been a titanic struggle. On a random note, all of the stories that I may write for Avatar will tie in to my main work, "Brave New Day," or at least coexist in the same universe. I'm a nut for uniformity.**

**Read on, and let me know if you enjoy it!  
**

Jake's avatar coughed harshly as he came to on the soot covered earth, his own body in fact covered from head to toe in a fine layer of ash, the scorched remains of Hometree. Jake rose unsteadily to his feet and tried to take in his surroundings through bleary, tear filled eyes. What had been a familiar home for the last three months had been transformed into an unrecognizable wasteland. Jake snorted and coughed, ultimately performing a farmer's blow to clean the dirty snot out of his nostrils. The soot was _everywhere._

After finally wiping his eyes, Jake was able to fully take in what remained of the Omaticaya's home. What struck him most was the color. There were no longer vivid greens, blues, oranges, or reds – all of the beautiful plants and flowering shrubs had been coated in an all consuming blanket of gray. Jake frantically scratched at his forearm, digging through his own sooty covering to reveal the brilliant blue striped skin underneath. Jake sighed out a relieved breath he did not even know he was holding. For a moment he feared that he had somehow been injured, maybe struck on the head, and that he had lost his color vision.

Everything was tones of gray. It was a lot like his life right now, actually. Nothing was clear, nothing was black or white anymore. Everything was washed in varying shades of hazy, unrelenting gray.

His foot kicked up something that had been hidden underneath the ash, and Jake reached down and retrieved the object. It was a finally crafted knife, and he ran an appreciative hand over the blade, feeling its razor sharp edge. Reaching up to his own knife sheath, he frowned when he realized it was empty.

"Right," he grumbled. He had tossed his own knife away in his fight with Tsu'tey, and he had never retrieved it. That knife, which he had crafted with his own two hands, was probably gone forever. He pushed away that small sliver of regret as he sheathed the new knife in its place and turned his mind to the task at hand.

Neytiri. _Grace. _They were all counting on him. He had to convince the People to save Grace. He had to convince the People that he could help save _them._ There was only so much that Trudy, Norm, and he could do for Grace. No, she needed something more than they could provide, and he had work to do to see this through to the end. Jake looked around him, praying to whomever might be listening that he still had one friend here who had not abandoned him.

As if summoned by his own thoughts (this was actually true, for the bond of tsaheylu is very strong between hunter and ikran, even when not physically connected), a great fluttering of leathery wings sounded out behind him. Jake crouched slightly, minimizing his form against the flurry of ash that Tswayon's landing created, before he turned and greeted his friend.

Tswayon cackled and clacked his jaws in irritation, no doubt profoundly pissed at the situation he found himself in, and Jake had to smile at this. Tswayon had always seemed to be a moody, prideful bastard, but Jake found he loved the self absorbed ikran all the same for it. "There's something we gotta do, and you're not gonna like it," he said as he rubbed Tswayon on the nose with one hand while simultaneously reaching back for his own queue.

Jake and Tswayon joined in the bond of tsaheylu, and both shivered a bit as their minds meshed. Jake felt suddenly ashamed at his previous assessment of Tswayon's mood: yes, Tswayon was very, very pissed, but what had the ikran furious was that the tribe had left Jake where he had fallen. Tswayon had already driven off one pack of nantang that had tried to attack Jake's body. Jake's heart swelled with love for his ikran, a nasty, temperamental reptile thing who apparently possessed a heart of gold.

_Don't be mad at them, I deserved it actually, _Jake told him.

Tswayon was not fooled. The intrigue of Jake's forced deception on Quaritch's behalf was lost on him, but he did not care. Tswayon Saw Jake as he truly was, could sense his unadulterated regret and sorrow for what had transpired, as well as his unfailing love for the People and for Neytiri. No, Tswayon had forgiven Jake before the ikran even realized Jake had sinned.

_What am I not gonna like?_ Tswayon asked, nuzzling his snout against Jake's chest.

Jake chuckled, and sent one phrase back through the link. _Toruk Makto._

Tswayon exhaled with a start, the dust around his exit ventricles billowing out from the force of his breath. _No no no! Last Shadow too dangerous! You don't need him, only me! _Tswayon reared back on his hind legs, puffing out his chest and spreading his wings, making himself appear as large as possible.

Despite the direness of the entire situation, Jake had to laugh out loud, and Tswayon's slightly wounded feeling in reply only added to his amusement. With a sigh, Jake focused his mind on the situation they were in, explaining with pictures rather than words why he must become the sixth Toruk Makto. He finished his explanation with the strong reassurance, _I could never, and WOULD never, replace you._

The ikran huffed as be begrudgingly agreed with Jake. _We must fly now, then._

_

* * *

_They soared together high above the Hallelujah Mountains, so high that Jake was actually experiencing a slight shortness of breath. But they needed the altitude. It Toruk was the baddest cat in the sky, he'd never have any reason to look up, right? But it was just a theory.

At long last, after hours of tireless searching, the red and yellow form of Toruk came into view far below them as they rounded a great floating promontory. Both hunter and ikran recoiled slightly in instinctual fear. All of the biological programming in both of them was screaming to get the hell out of there – no one in their right mind ever actually went _hunting _for Toruk!

For not the first time, Jake wondered about the wisdom of his soon-to-be actions. He remembered what Neytiri had told him about the Toruk Maktos, that Toruk had actually chosen them. Jake did not really have the time or inclination to wait for the great aerial predator to choose him, and he sincerely hoped it would not kill him outright for his impulsiveness.

So be it, Jake thought. My death now would simplify things for me considerably.

Some of Jake's old recklessness was coming back, now. The sorrow that was just starting to break from Tom's death threatened to rewash over him, fueled and strengthened by his betrayal of his mate and People, and by their rejection of him. For Jake, this really was do or die. He grinned to himself at this thought. Nothing else could provide that kind of motivation, and Jake was grateful for it.

Tswayon cackled nervously at the rush of reckless feelings coming from Jake, and the man patted the ikran's neck reassuringly. _Alright, brother, let's do this._ Jake shifted his position so he was crouching on Tswayon's saddle and redoubled his grip on the queue harness. With a mean hiss, Tswayon folded his wings, giving himself the aerodynamic properties of a rock, and plummeted straight down the face of the floating mountain for the back of the Toruk, making only slight adjustments with his hind wings and tail to guide their flight.

Jake could sense the intense mental calculations that Tswayon was doing to make this short trip as quick and accurate as possible, and he sent grateful and encouraging thoughts down the link to his mount. _Keep it up, you're doing great!_

_NOW! _Tswayon cried, and Jake broke tsaheylu and leapt off of his ikran's back, the end of his queue clutched in his right hand. The feeling of freefall was not foreign to Jake anymore. Lord knows Neytiri had tossed him off of enough trees that he knew the proper way to guide himself through the air. Pandora's lower gravity and denser atmosphere permitted aerobatic feats that seemed impossible to the former marine, but he found that once he trusted his body to react as it should and if he applied Neytiri's ruthless but effective training, he could control his fall from almost any height and guarantee survival if he had the proper landing surface.

But here, miles from the ground, with his intended landing pad being Pandora's apex air predator, Jake found his fears of falling returned to him with full force. He was about 25 yards from the back of Toruk when Jake finally admitted to himself that yes, this was in fact perhaps the stupidest thing he had ever done in his entire life.

Oh, well. No take-backs.

With a fierce snarl Jake landed hard on Toruk's back, hitting just above the beast's hip and rolling once forward until he was sprawled over its shoulder blades. Jake's breath was driven from his body and he struggled to reinflate his lungs while simultaneously reaching for one of Toruk's neural antennas. If he had learned one thing from his capture of Tswayon, it was not to dick around and waste time while trying to make the bond.

Of course, Toruk would have none of this. With an enraged roar it reared its head back and tried to bite at Jake. However, due to the large upper and lower crests that adorned the beast's head, this motion had the somewhat unintended effect of causing the Toruk to go into a snap roll as the crests bit into the air stream and forced the animal into a tight turn.

Jake himself screamed every four letter expletive that came to mind as he grabbed onto the opposite antenna and held on for dear life as he was thrown off of Toruk's back, arresting his fall with only his grip on the animal's tswin. Toruk howled in agony as the weight of a full grown Na'vi man slammed taut its neural whip, and it reflexively went into a barrel roll to relieve the strain.

Before Jake could even blink he found himself astride Toruk's back once more, and with a single giddy thought wondered how freakishly _awesome _it was that the beast had rolled around him in mid air, essentially saving him from falling miles to the ground.

The futility of that tactic proven, Toruk tried a different approach to unseat Jake. Just as he was about to bring their queues together Toruk pulled in its wings and plummeted for the ground. It happened so fast that Jake was momentary weightless, suspended a foot away from Toruk's body. Then with a great snap the Toruk unfurled its wings and flapped hard, causing Jake to slam hard back against its spine. "Oof!" he breathed as he was knocked squarely in the stomach again. The great muscles flexing and beating underneath Toruk's skin squirmed and moved like great snakes underneath a carpet, and even this movement sought to dismount him.

Damn, how steep was it going to go? Jake gritted his teeth and tried to readjust his grip in the animal's tswin as Toruk continued its approach to a near vertical climb. A strange, analytical part of Jake's brain was simply in awe at the pure strength it took to drive such a large creature straight up through the air like this. Suddenly Jake slid back a few feet as his sweaty hands momentarily lost their grip on the neural whips. Toruk felt it, and it howled in triumph.

"Aw, hell no," Jake muttered, and held on with only his left hand as he reached for his knife with his right. Jake let loose with an enraged roar and reared back as high as he could go, then with a furious contraction of all the muscles in his arm, shoulders, and back, drove the knife as deep as he could into the back of Toruk. The blade buried itself in the scarred skin up to its hilt, and with this newly made handhold Jake persevered through Toruk's mad climb for the heavens.

All of the muscles underneath Jake twitched violently and Toruk screamed in pain for a second time. Jake's right bicep bulged as he heaved himself up one handed and reasserted his grip on Toruk's tswin. I have to finish this, or I'm done, Jake thought to himself. So far the battle of only a few seconds had sapped nearly all of his energy, and Jake doubted he could pull off another move like that for a second time.

A furious shriek momentarily distracted Jake, and out of the corner of his eye he could see a blaze of blue and green flash by Toruk's head, leaving a bloody scar in its wake just behind Toruk's right set of eyes. Jake's own golden eyes widened in amazement as he witnessed Tswayon loop around in front of Toruk and charge straight back at him, hissing and snarling furiously in defense of his rider. Toruk roared back in return and made to bite off Tswayon's wing, but the nimble ikran swiftly dodged and rolled, making another pass upside down underneath Toruk, gouging a second bloody trench in the great beast's stomach with his sharp talons.

Jake's ikran, his amazing, loyal, stupid, brave ikran, was mobbing the gigantic Toruk like a sparrow attacking an eagle, and Jake did not know whether or not to be relieved or terrified for his friend's safety. Fuck it. While the Toruk had its attention distracted, Jake made his move, deciding he would be a fool to waste the advantage Tswayon had so courageously given him. He heaved up on the beast's back one last time before reaching behind him for his braid. Once he had the end in his grasp, he jammed it against Toruk's own tswin, and the bond was made.

* * *

That damn pa'li was an ornery bitch, Tswayon was freakishly intelligent, and Neytiri…oh, God, how he missed Neytiri. His mate was simply indescribable. Jake had no idea what this was going to be like, bonding with Pandora's mightiest creature, but he had a sneaky suspicion that it would not be easy.

Jake mentally lowered his shoulder and charged through the door of Toruk's psyche, expecting the door to provide some form of opposition, girding himself for yet another battle in his mind. But strangely enough, the door burst open at the slightest touch as if it had been unlocked the entire time, and Jake found himself alone in the mind of Toruk.

The opposition he expected from the great creature was not there, and Jake was disturbed to find Toruk's brain seemingly devoid of activity. Oh, sure, he could sense the massive muscles powering the great wings for flight, he could feel the heart the size of his own chest beating, beating, beating steadily onwards, giving no indication that it had worked itself up during their insane fight. Jake could feel huge cubic feet of air being inhaled through the forward ventricles and being exhaled out the back. The respiratory systems of both ikran and the Toruk were set up like a jet fighter's turbine, with the flow of air being one way through the body – inhale up front, exhale out back through an entirely separate orifice. It was just another way the creatures' bodies were supremely adapted to a life of flight.

But where was the intelligence? Even with Tswayon there had been a quick, internal, mental battle for dominance as Jake had to prove himself to the ikran. But here…? It was like the great beast was stuck on autopilot while the pilot himself had stepped out for a bite of lunch or a bathroom break. The lights were on, but no one was home.

Then the door behind Jake slammed close with a frighteningly loud bang, and he whirled around to face behind him with a start. Standing before him, guarding the door in all her blazing glory and beauty, was Toruk. And he was trapped in her mind with no way out.

**Now it truly begins for you, little one.**

**

* * *

**Jake was conscious of some kind of assault on his body and brain. It was indescribable, but it hurt like fucking hell. He was a foreigner, some kind of wretched remora to Toruk, and she wanted him out. Or dead. Whatever came first.

**Why are you here? Why do you disturb me so? **she demanded.

Jake was driven to his knees before her, struggling to speak to her through the pain. _I…need your help…_ he gasped out. _Please, you must listen to me!_

She threw her head back and laughed at this. **Ha! That's rich! You come to **_**me, **_**demanding that **_**I **_**help **_**you?**_ She crouched down before him and placed a finger under his chin, lifting his head so she could look Jake in the eyes. **Why the hell should I?**

Jake winced and tried to answer, but the hold that Toruk had on him prevented him from breathing. She raised an eyebrow at the gasping man and relented, just a little, so he could formulate a response. _Please, I need you to help me. The Sky People are going to attack, they are going to destroy this world, they are going to destroy the People… _He trailed off. _I must do this. We must do this. I…I have to see Neytiri again._ His plight before Toruk seemed suddenly pitiful and insignificant, sounding pathetic even to his own ears.

**Show me, **Toruk demanded.

So Jake did. He opened up his mind to her, bared her his soul, let her see everything. All his memories flashed between them; she him gave no acknowledgment as she zipped through his childhood at light speed. She saw it all, his growing up years, the marines, Tom's death, Pandora, Quaritch, Neytiri and him in love, the destruction of Hometree, the pain of betrayal…

**That is the real story,** she said, looking at him with an unreadable expression. **You need me to get back to her. And lest I sell you short, you **_**think**_** you need me to save the People.**

Jake could only nod.

**Pathetic, **Toruk proclaimed as she walked away from him. **I know of the Sky People. I hate them, and I will destroy them myself. I will drive them from this world, and they will flee before me like so many startled riti. I will herd them and drive them to their deaths like I do the young yerik. And look at you!** She turned back to him and pointed an accusing finger at him. **A Sky Person yourself, parading around in the body of one of Eywa's children, as if you could truly be one of the People. **She laughed at him, sneered right at his face. **You are what I hate! **she proclaimed.**  
**

And then the pain really set in. It seemed to Jake as if he just had a mountain dropped on him. He could not breathe, could not see, hear, smell, taste, feel… He could not do anything. He felt some foreign presence moving around inside him, searching like a parasitic worm, and in a moment of sheer terror realized that Toruk was slowly stopping his own heart. She was going to kill him from the inside out.

Jake fought back, but it was a losing battle, for how could he defend against such a creature? As Jake was backed into the corner, he recalled before his mind's eye his most precious memories. What immediately surfaced was the time he and Neytiri spent, running through the forest at night, scaring the fan lizards. He remembered her beautiful face as they both laughed and played like children. Then he pictured her together with him after their mating, basking in the warm afterglow of love. No one had ever looked at him like that before. No one had ever loved him the way that she did. "Oel ngati kameie, my Jake," she had said. _I see you._ I know you – and I love you.

Then Neytiri cocked her head in that damn cute way that only she could do and smiled that gloriously beautiful smile of hers. "I did not choose a weak man for a mate, my Jake. I chose you because you are like none other. There is no one else like you, my love, none to compare to you. Would you give up so easily?"

As all of this settled on Jake's dying mind, he felt a new strength welling up from within him. He felt another warm presence just behind him, gently holding him and loving him. He felt warm lips kiss him just behind his pointed ear in that way that drove him mad with love and desire and affection as only Neytiri could do. "You have a strong heart. No fear," she whispered in his ear, causing it to twitch just a little and sending tingles down his spine right to the tip of his tail.

How unfortunate for Toruk.

With a triumphant roar Jake broke out from under her grip, and his strong heart resumed beating after actually stopping for a span of a few seconds. He had managed to best Toruk physically, now he would show her that he could defeat her mentally as well. With all of the power of his heart and spirit, Jake threw off her killing grip on his mind and plunged deep into hers.

_I may be what you hate, but I am what you need! _he snarled, pummeling her with attack after mental attack until she fell back before his assault, desperately trying to protect herself. _See how you like it! _In the same way that she had just tried stopping his own heart Jake squeezed right back, momentarily freezing all of her bodily functions, just because he was able to. (Outside of all of this, Tswayon circled worriedly as Toruk flew on with Jake passed out on her back, both no longer aware of the physical world. For a few terrifying second Tswayon watched as the Toruk seized up – she stopped flapping, stopped moving, stopped _breathing, _for just a split second, and the ikran actually thought that the great beast and his hunter were going to fall right out of the sky. Then after a moment Toruk fired off a few frantic flaps, resuming her position in the sky.)

All of the strength that Jake possessed, as a marine, as an Omaticayan hunter, as a man in love, surged over Toruk's mind in an unstoppable tsunami. _You and I want the same thing, to see the Sky People driven from this place. YOU need ME to do this! So shut the fuck up and pay attention, because I WILL call the shots here. Do. You. Understand. Me? _Pure battlelust streamed off of him like a waterfall. All of his knowledge of human warfare, of what he knew they were going to be up against, and all of his pure, unfiltered desire to return to his mate poured into Toruk.

Jake relented his hold on Toruk's mind, leaving her gasping for breath. **Fine, **she gave in, mentally dusting herself off from the surprising attack Jake had unleashed upon her. **I concede to you, Toruk Makto. You have beaten me where so many others have failed. We have much to attend to, yes? Let us not waste any further time, then.**

Both Toruk and Jake sighed, both of their eyes fluttering open back in the physical world, for the first time at peace with one another. Tswayon emitted a worried squawk as he regarded Jake from just off of Toruk's wing. Jake gasped as his heart and lungs struggled to regain lost ground. He waved weakly at Tswayon, who chortled back happily upon seeing him alive and well.

* * *

Jake and Toruk circled Vitrayä Ramunong. He had guessed correctly that the Omaticaya would shelter here after the destruction of their home. With grim determination he asked Toruk to land on the rocky shelf before the tree, and all around them the tribe's ikran fluttered and squawked in terror at the sudden appearance of the huge predator. Even if Neytiri would not forgive him, he would still fight to the death to ensure that the People would be safe. At the very least he would satiate his revenge before his death. Toruk sensed his worry and apprehension, and surprisingly enough she sent him reassuring feelings through their bond. **If she will not have you back after this, I will eat her myself, **she declared.

As he patted her magnificent head, Jake chuckled to himself. _That may be a bit extreme, but thank you. _After their initial fierce battle, Jake and Toruk had spent their time together calmly communing as only rider and mount could, and his respect for the awesome beast only grew deeper, which flattered Toruk to no end. In the same way, Toruk examined Jake, this strange man from an alien world, with wonder and curiosity. Both had mutually agreed that they had underestimated the potential of the other, and now shared equal amounts of respect between themselves.

Jake's eyes scanned the crowd, which fell back away from him in awe and terror. Everywhere came whispers of "Toruk Makto!" Though everyone was staring at him and talking about him, Jake had eyes for only one person. At last he spotted her, up near the tree, with Moat and Tsu'tey, all three staring at him with mouths agape. Even across this distance he could see the awe in her eyes, could see her shoulders slump in relief. It was all Jake could do to maintain his dignity and not run straight to her.

Toruk chuckled, the sound coming out as a deep, rumbling growl that caused the Na'vi closest to them to cry out in fear again and retreat further away. **Go to her, you're useless to me now, **she gently chastised.

With a final, grateful thought, he broke tsaheylu from Toruk and dismounted, running a hand along her glorious head crest. The crowd parted before him as he made his way through the group, and he felt light caresses on his arms as some people reached out and touched him lightly as if to confirm his very existence here to themselves.

Neytiri descended from the raised dais, walking towards him as if moving through a dream. Finally they met, seeing no one else around them but one another. Jake's heart fluttered in anticipation. They gently touched hands before Jake reached up and lovingly cupped her face in his large blue hands, and she finally spoke to him.

"I see you," she whispered. It was the most beautiful thing Jake had ever heard.

* * *

** If you're curious, the name of Jake's ikran, "Tswayon," means "fly" in Na'vi.**


End file.
